Animals in Winter

grizzled old cat
and sleek young dog
sleep through winter


Rereading Lee Gurga's Haiku: a Poet's Guide and these words struck me, “Another principle associated with classical Japanese haiku is hosomi (“slenderness”). Slenderness allows the poet to paint the scene, then disappear."

That's one technique that I find personally hard to master. I think what Gurga means by his sentence is that the writer's ego--mine--gets in the way of the haiku's direction to the point of derailing it. But could it also be a cultural thing? I believe the Japanese are much more connected to nature than many Westeners are, so when they paint the scene they already feel a part of it whereas we often just observe what is happening and then think we need to direct and stage manage the elements.

So for my little experiment. Does this version exhibit more hosomi? What do you think?

old cat sleeping
with sleek young dog--
winter passes